Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
