i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
