If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
