Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do herpes really smell.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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