I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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