There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
