rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize