nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
