LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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