finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
