Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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