I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
