shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
