She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
