i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
