I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
