oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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