you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
