This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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