He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize