What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
