it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize