I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
