I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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