Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize