I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
