Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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