I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize