they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
