bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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