This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
