Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
