she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What a dumb baby whore.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
