also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
