We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
