Apparently you make a good broom.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
