Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
