if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
