She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
