They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
