she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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