2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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