maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
