Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
