I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
