I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
