I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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