I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
