john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
