if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
