I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
