I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the condom got lost in my hair
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In America we eat man semen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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