i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
