Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
