i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
