i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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