I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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