imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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