imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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