How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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