I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
