I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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