i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
