I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
