Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We need to start having sex underwater more often.

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(818): View more from California

Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..

Fav 16 2061 4685
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

Fav 13 6319 1311
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(361): View more from Texas

I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

Fav 17 3676 2206
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(239): View more from Florida

Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer

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(250): View more from British Columbia

My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.

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(813): View more from Florida

I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.

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