He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize