good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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