So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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