Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize