I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
