On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
