it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
